I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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