Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
