Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
