Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
