Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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