Just mADE A PArabola og urine
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
