There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
