your thong is hanging out like whoa
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
