And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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