better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
