Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
