yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
