Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
