everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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