i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
