You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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