If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
