My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
