i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
