Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
