Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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