She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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