i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
