while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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