She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
