youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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