JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
