You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
