apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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