It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
