I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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