It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
