dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
