we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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