I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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