is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
