Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
