I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
