There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
