mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
