Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
