I can text with my tongue
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
