Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
