Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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