Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
