Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it glows. i had to have it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
