so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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