just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
