This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
