from now on my penis is your penis
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
