proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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