I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
