He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
