please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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