i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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