I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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