Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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