my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
