It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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