his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
