If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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