I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
