Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
