he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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