All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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