I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
pray to the hookup gods
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize