He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
