do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
