He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
