y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
