Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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