She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
