i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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