Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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