she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have fence marks all over my body
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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