I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize