I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
