3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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